Challenge Thyself

Day Two.

tryingtofight — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 19:31:40 +0000

Yep, I totally am screwing myself here.

Nothing of substance today. Lets just say I’m tired of fucking up and maybe this is the breaking point for me to get things going.

My Afflictions

tryingtofight — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 20:22:39 +0000

So I think I need to list where my biggest problems are so I can start working on the right ways to get rid of these bad habits and replace them with something more positive.

I am addicted to the news of the day, talk shows, video poker or basically anything to take my mind off of thinking. I have adult ADD so I think that this may be part of the problem is that my brain works on something for 10 minutes and then it jumps topic and I am onto something else. Seriously, in writing this paragraph I have jumped odd here and read some comments on a news topic for the past 30 minutes and now I am going for a smoke because I need to calm down and slow my brain a little. It has become unbearable lately.
If you didn’t guess in the bullet point above. I am all over the place. I cannot seem to sit down to and do something. My brain goes all over and then I need to take these silly breaks that can eat up all of my time. I like to space out because I keep filling my head with all of these thoughts. Its very difficult to have passion in anything when my mind is being bombarded with the latest tech news, political wind, interest of the moment or whatever. These things go through my brain about every second of my day and so I space out in them as a self defeating release and avoid what really needs to be done. My work, my home, my family.
Fear, I’m afraid of just about everything. Swine Flu, Flying, my untimely demise. I think many of my fears block me from really living life to its fullest.

Okay that is all for now. I will update this is the future when I have more to write. All of this self loathing is really getting to me for one article. I am really here to try and change these bad ways because I really hate myself for who I have become.

The Intro.

tryingtofight — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 18:57:49 +0000

I hate myself for whom I have allowed myself to become. I am lazy. I am a slacker. I am ineffective. I feel near worthless. This is my site and my stand to chronicle my efforts to start new. To make a change. Become a leader. To be affective. To have discipline. To put it simply. Be a better person.

In this blog you will see my no holds barred attempt to point out my many bad habits and what I can do to fix them. I am going to most likely fail many many times before I succeed but I am prepared for that.

I am just a guy who is trying to figure out how to make things better for myself, my family and our future.

Day One.

tryingtofight — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 18:41:19 +0000

Well first of all I stayed up way too late last night playing video games and woke up late to work this morning because of it. I get really angry with myself everytime I do this and it is a common occurance in my life. After I get to work I get on and check the daily news for four hours while trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do at work. Finally, at around 2:30, I started to do some work and I’m back into reading the up-to-dates of the day. Well I have gotten some work done today. Not much but its an improvement. Now off to home.

Goals for home:

Do two loads of laundry
Clean up around the house.
work on organzing that pile of junk which needs to be donated.
Check up on the computer I have been working on here at work remotely.
Fix computer for friend.

I will probably get home by 8:00pm after eating at my parents house and would like to have these things done by 10:00pm.

…lets see if setting these goals helps me at all.

Magnificent Obsession.

tryingtofight — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 21:03:06 +0000

I just heard that term Magnificent Obsession listening to a YouTube clip with Tony Robbins. I like that. Not sure where that thought is going to take me but I thought it was at least worth noting. It at least gave me some pause.